Cracked in the Desert

meeeooooooowwwww went my purry little pussy....
mooooo mooooo went the fruity cow...
are these my long lost childrens?...
prickly pears and gas can fires light my desert high...
where am I????

Drinks on the Moon!

LAX: Back to the US of A

Good god I am in Los Angeles.
I have heard this is the land of surf, sports cars and silicone.
Not to mention Smog.
What is a little gnome from a little mountain town
going to do in a city like this?

Getting the Parisian wetness

It seems like all I do in Paris is think about sex.
It has been way too long since I felt the gentle lady caress of a lady-love.
But damn if it ain't hard for a gnome to get lucky.
Especially in France cause all the ladies think I'm German.



I mean, even steriley female things are making me hot...





even naked dudes are kind of turning me on...
this sucks!


oh please, oh please, oh please...

Fake Holidays in Paris France

If you are on vacation in Paris, and the standard Parisian fare of edible snails and meat-breathed insults starts getting you down, do what I do-- take a Fake Holiday away from this pristinely beautiful and out of touch city! Just look around and you will find myriad ways of escaping your touristic experience!

Sights and Smells in Paris

Rue de Me

I am not your PRISONER bitches

Finally these American freaks asked me what I want to do! I want to see the real landmarks you fools! I have spent my life making sure goddamn German gardens are not getting chewed apart by squirrels and I am finally in Paris, the city of goddamn lights, and I am stuck with these kidnapping kidnappers. So they took me to the Metro and said "where to???" I didn't really know what to say....we were sitting there in the station and I saw the images on the orange wall-- "Thats where to you bastards!"



To the Louvre!


Some Stately Buildings!


An Arc!


and the Eiffel!!!


Finally, the Eiffel!!!

On the streets of Paris and I have nothing to do with Hitler moustaches

For shame young graffitists-- my buddy Freud was a Jew.
An "X" over the eyes is the way to go.